Generation Y – The ultimate capitalists

I belong to the age bracket profoundly referred to as Generation Y, and so do most of my friends, workmates and business associates. Most of my friends and colleagues were born in the mid-1970's up to the late 1990's. I am closer to those born in the early 1980s up to the late 1980s. These we are bonded by age. Most of them have either climbed near the top of various corporate ladders (middle management or junior management positions) or running promising businesses. A few of them are in senior management at the top of the corporate ladder or running successful business entities.

Despite our dynamism and huge age gaps, we have all been classified by marketing experts as belonging to Generation Y. The emergence of Generation Y – defined as those born in early 1980's up to the early 2000's – presents marketers with many challenges. This market segment, also frequently called Millennials, spans a broad range of life-stages, from those just getting into secondary school to those with spouses, children and home loans. We are not, therefore, a homogeneous whole – but have been shaped by the same socio–economic trends. We share similar traits, habits and values – all of which marketers need to grasp fully in their branding strategy.

Generation Y is particularly important to marketers because it is arguably the generation which has been responsible for today’s excessive consumerism. Every marketer knows too well that the biggest problem encountered in satisfying Generation Y consumers is that they have frequently changing tastes. For this generation everything simply comes and quickly goes out of fashion. One thing though that is in comportment at all levels of Generation Y consumers is their need for self-importance and a high degree of grandiosity.

Generation Y likes to own everything that is nice. The biggest job. The biggest car. The biggest house. The biggest of everything. BIG is what defines us. In addition to BIG, there is another word and it is called BLING. Bling is the slang word for ‘shiny’. So, we love shiny big things and nothing else ever matters. Perhaps put in a different way, I may say we are a proud and selfish generation. We may not be at the level of selfishness and self-centeredness that Dr Chika Onyeani in ‘capitalist nigger’ describes as, "killer-instinct" and "devil-may-care" arrogance of Caucasians, but we definitely have a level of brashness that generations before us lacked.

The most important things to us are our own needs and nothing more. Perhaps we have become so exposed, so educated and so prosperous nothing else matters. Not religion, not any creeds and doctrines. Fulfillment of self is our number one and the only motivation for our everyday life.

Globalization and technology has enabled us to explore and experience the length and breadth of the world even without physically being present in certain areas. The internet has enabled us to look at the world as one big global village. For this and other reasons, we look at the world with a high level of open mindedness. In being open minded, we have embraced capitalism more and now we are viewed as being self-centered.

It may be arguable which social system is the best, but free enterprise (capitalism) always has an edge over socialism and communism. Socialism and communism moralize that individuals should not have ownership of land, capital (money), or industry, but rather the whole community collectively owns and controls property, goods, and production.  Ideally, in this system all share equally in work and the fruits of their labor.

Under Capitalism, individuals own and control land, capital, and production of industry.  Individuals are free to purchase and own their own homes, cars, furniture, and other goods such as TV, radio, computer, etc. Individuals have total freedom to live where they want and what type of careers they want to pursue.

The biggest problem with socialism and communism lies in human attitudes. If you don't own something, you are not obliged to take good care of it. For instance, in Zambia, institutional and council houses that had been dilapidated as a result of tenants not taking good care of them and consequently lost value suddenly turned into well maintained mansions after massive renovations and extensions to the properties once they were privately owned and thus experienced a rise in value.  The ‘va boma’ attitude suddenly died as owners now had a vested interest in keeping the houses in good condition.

Critics have charged that capitalist social systems insist too much on material possessions, and a love affair with ‘worldly’ possessions which is not sustainable. Capitalism does not tell men to suffer, but to pursue enjoyment and achievement. Capitalism tells people to produce and profit—capitalism does not preach passivity, humility, resignation, but independence, self-confidence and self-reliance.

My view… my thoughts…

Since knowledge, thought, and rational action are properties of the individual, since the choice to exercise his rational aptitude or not depends on the individual, man’s survival requires that those who think be free to do so and that their thoughts should create as much as can be largely possible. Free thought is what creates innovation which in turn conceives entrepreneurs who build businesses which in turn generate jobs.

Jobs bring about the working class who largely form the middle class, and it is the middle class who are responsible for massive consumerism thus creating a market for more goods from more corporations. This is the supremacy of capitalism. Enabling one man and giving him the freedom to invent, giving him/her the power to create wealth not only for him/herself, but an entire nation.

The unrestricted accumulation of legal capital drives economic activity - the need to continuously produce profits and reinvest this profit into the economy is what develops countries. Generation Y must not be apologetic for seeking profit, useful goods and services are a byproduct of pursuing profit.

Generation Y has been criticized by many as being extremely self-centered and lacking humility. This is perhaps what a country like Zambia needs - A cadre of citizens not afraid to go to great heights in pursuit of profit. The mechanics of a free market economy will self-regulate to dictate and promote good industry practice and cripple those that do not respect the best business practice.

Generation Y is constantly upgrading academic and professional qualification in search of excellence which in turn translate into better jobs. Generation Y is not afraid to hop from one job to the next in search of a better pay or just to be separated from a vexatious boss. This is not a sign of a lack of loyalty, but a sign of a people driven by attainment of the highest standards. In reality generation Y abhors the idea of having a boss. Generation Y prefers to be employees for a substantial period of time and there after turn to entrepreneurs who start business and eventually manage them.

Again Generation Y must not be apologetic or be seen by employers as lacking loyalty. However, employers must rejoice that they are probably hiring the best out of the available pool and if that best is not good enough it won’t be long before another more capable individual comes knocking on that door and the employer only stands to gain in this case.

Generation Y believes that Capitalism demands the best of every man—his rationality—and rewards him accordingly. The best of every man only manifests when he/she realizes that each one of us must contribute to the world’s production and there is no better way of being productive but by being innovative.

For all the pursuit of profit, we must however never lose our humanity. We should never take the route of extreme pursuit of profit as every game has rules thus the pursuit of profit must be done and attained within the legal limits. Lyndon B. Johnson would have better said this as; “I pray we are still a young and courageous nation, that we have not grown so old and so fat and so prosperous that all we can think about is to sit back with our arms around our money bags. If we choose to do that I have no doubt that the smoldering fires will burst into flame and consume us -- dollars and all.”

There is no social order that is perfect. In fact good socialism can be better than bad capitalism where only the rich get richer and the extreme social classes are maintained by the same people without ever having others cross to the other side or the middle. Socialism that permits more free market signals and personal freedoms can be superior to a Capitalism that permits pursuit of profit by an elite manipulating public policy. Bad capitalism is equally as debauched as bad socialism or communism.

It's the weekend baby!

Ladies… (and gents) You are at a bar and you meet a guy that isn't taking any alcohol and actually doesn't ever drink any alcoholic beverages and he tells you he has at some point tasted alcohol but found it's just not in his DNA to take it any further than tasting (well...that's like me…ahem). Is this the kind of guy you would want to have a conversation with in that bar? If yes, what would be the first question you would ask him? "What the hell are you doing here?" I guess that would be the most obvious question. 

As a matter of fact, I have met a lot of people that truly believe that if a guy doesn't take any alcohol, then there is something mentally wrong with him or he must be a womaniser. This is how many a guy like myself get 'discriminated against'. But what was I doing at a bar when I don’t take alcohol? Well I was out to relax and dance the night away too, like everyone else.

After a long time of not hanging out at night, I found myself joining many Lusaka party freaks on a Friday night. The morning of Friday 25th July 2014 started in pretty much the same way albeit routinely as the other Fridays before it. It might even have been identical to all other previous Fridays in the preceding 7 years before that day. It was business as usual and I was getting ready to go to the office as my employers required me to. Let me not go on a roll about the morning when the gist of the blog is in the evening.

After I left work that particular Friday evening, I met a colleague for a short meeting at Foxdale court. Shortly after, on my way home I met another colleague at Golden gates, a joint just a few meters from my home. In no time we would find ourselves at shop number 1 arcades shopping mall, great east road - Times Cafe.

It's the weekend baby!

Being at shop number 1 arcades mall in the night or any other night spot for that matter was something I hadn't done in over 3 years. The only time I had been out late at night in that period, I was either attending a corporate function of one sort or another with colleagues at the office or been invited by other colleagues for product launches or any other corporate event. It still qualifies as being out late at night but it is not the same thing.

In the period since I last went out 'clubbing', there have been many changes in the clubbing culture in Zambia it seems. The first change I noticed was the dress code. It seems the official dress code for the ladies going out at night in Lusaka is now the mini-dress. This is a dress so short it barely covers the buttocks. Of course there were a few females that adorned other clothes like tight jeans or bum shorts with leggings inside, but everywhere I looked there were just too many mini dresses. The male folk on the other hand still seem not to have found identity for the clubs. There seemed to be no pattern or dress code of any note from the male folk.

The one change that was unanimous with the sexes was the love of tattoos. It seems there are more Zambians who have taken art to another level by inking their bodies in so many different ways. For the female folk, the most popular spots for the tattoos were the thighs just above the knees, exposed by the mini dresses. The other spots were breasts exposed by excessive cleavage and the back of the shoulder exposed by bare back apparel.

The male folk on the other hand had tattoos on the wrists, and I saw one on the neck. Before that Friday, I had never seen that many tattoos in one place. With each year tattoos are getting more and more popular among crowds of people, young and old in Zambia. And although not everyone agrees with tattoos or why people go through the pain to get them, they are steadily becoming a huge part of our society today. To ink or not to ink, many Zambian’s are definitely inking!

To ink or not to ink?

It seems so much can change in a short period of time. Even attitudes. I was really taken aback when Chris Brown's 'loyal' song blazed in the speakers. There were wild shouts from the ladies and in no time seats were emptied as the female folk danced gleefully. What I couldn't understand is the fact that in the song the singer at some point repeatedly mentions that "these hoes ain't loyal". To me, even though I don't know the full and actual lyrics of that song, what I have heard sort of demeans the females.

Last time I checked, females enjoyed song like TLC’s No scrubs, Beyonce’s irreplaceable and independent women to mention but a few which praise the woman. One thing that hasn't changed though is that 2-Pac and Notorious BIG still get air play in the clubs after more than 18 and 17 years respectively since they died. As a matter of fact the patrons enjoyed the songs from the duo such that I could hear loud choruses of people singing along. It’s not only the two murdered rappers that got people excited but Zambian musicians too.

When Dandy Krazy’s song ‘Mbuyo ya Amama’ played, there was massive wiggling all around accompanied by wild chants. This must be a very popular song really and unfortunate enough for me I had never heard the song before that night.  Since then I have heard the song play on radio a couple of times. The question I have asked myself since listening to the song on radio really has been; ‘do we have club only hits in Zambia? Or a popular song becomes a hit everywhere!’ I believe not every song should play on radio, unless the producer has deliberately done a radio edit version of the song.

My night out had further surprises. I was really taken aback by the number of females in comparison to males present at shop number 1 arcades mall that night. At most visible tables, there were 4 or 5 females and maybe only 1 or 2 males. The reverse was the case the last time I had been out. I couldn't help but keep wondering if that report that made rounds on the internet suggesting that Zambia has more binge female drinkers than any other country in southern Africa (or was it the whole of Africa), was accurate or truthful. As a matter of fact, the said report was highly rumored to have been authored by some World Health Organization (WHO) experts.

I don’t usually believe rumors so I concluded the source of that information should have been a bloke that was in a night club and saw as many females drinking and passed his observation as a WHO social survey. I am not discounting that report though, just that I do not have the facts of its origins. It could be very true. One other thing of note is that there are far too many young girls and boys clubbing and drinking.

Where I live there is a street nicknamed devil street (topic for another blog) where I have seen extremely young girls engaging in all sorts of uncouth behavior after drinking sprees. But there I was seeing very young girls strut their way into shop number 1 arcades mall. The early days of shop number 1 arcades mall, entry was very restricted not only on the basis of age but also social class to some extent I believe. The bottom line is that not every Mulenga, Jelita, Robert, Sara or Nyambe the hero could walk in.

Seeing that every Maria is clubbing now, probably explains why almost all joints are filled with people. Back in the day, there would be 1 or 2 popular places that would always be full and entry to those places was charged while the rest of the places entry was free to attract as many people. Ya’ll remember XENON I guess. Today the number of happening joints has greatly multiplied and so have been the people to fill them up. It doesn't matter where the money to spend on alcohol comes from but it is always found and people get drunk.

Everyone probably knows that you don’t need to have money to get drunk. There was a very popular term I learned, which described a person who got intoxicated without necessarily paying for the drinks -Rwanda. I am not sure of the origins of that term or whether it had any connections to the country of the same name but it described people who habitually got drunk at the expense of their friends.

I really believe there are too many people drinking alcohol in Zambia now than ever before. Maybe people have more disposable incomes now than before. If that were true then maybe the classification of Zambia as a lower middle income country was very accurate and not mere politicking.

Of course not many expect economists to agree on many things so when the World Bank reclassified Zambia as a lower-middle income country, many disagreed arguing that the percentage of people living below the poverty line had increased instead. However statistics collected also indicated that there has been a rising middle class who now constitutes a market for consumer goods (and 2^nd hand Japanese vehicles). Whether the per capita income of Zambians has increased or not or we are now more poor, there are many people relaxing by throwing or attending parties every so often at which alcohol is the number one item on the menu list.

Of Course a lad like me doesn't expect that economists will agree on most things. Without digressing, I am reminded of the words of George Bernard Shaw who once said “If all the economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.” I believe Economists don’t even agree with their own theories a lot of times as they will give you more than one outcomes or expectation as Harry S. Truman a former president of the USA also famously said; Give me a one-handed economist! All my economics say, ''On the one hand? on the other.''

 

Must KK come back with more threats?

So if we have more money to spend and we are spending it on alcohol, are we heading in the right direction as a country? I have my reasons why I don’t take alcohol and I may share them some day. What I want to say now really is that alcohol should not be what defines a weekend. There are a lot of activities that we can all engage in other than alcohol. Yes some have to engage in alcohol drinking but the numbers I am seeing engaged in alcohol drinking every weekend and for many, every day, are really frightening. We may just one day be one drunken country.

There are all sorts of events and parties that take place in Zambia every weekend. The weekend starts literary on Friday mid-morning. In Lusaka, by noon every Friday, it is difficulty to even drive from one end of the Central Business District, (CBD, known as town to many) to another end. By noon, it literary becomes impossible to drive on those roads in the CBD, people are moving in all direction in preparation for the weekend.

By the end of each Friday, there are parties starting everywhere and more parties on Saturday and Sunday. This is the case the whole weekend and the routine is repeated every weekend. All these parties are characterized by alcohol consumption and most times a guy like me feels out of place when attending some of these parties. It has become monotonous explaining myself that I don't take any alcohol and the questions never stops. So the wise thing for me to do is stay away from most of these social events and I prefer to just spend my limited free time with my family and also do some writing.

Well, a combination of writers’ block creeping in and my chrome book acting up after huge files I had typed mysteriously got corrupt sent me to shop number 1 arcades mall to relax like many do. It was great for me going out after a long time and really starting to learn how the clubbing culture has evolved.

So if you found me at a bar and I am not sipping on any glass whose contents have percentages of alcohol, do not ask what the hell am doing there, just raise your glass and toast to the weekend in my direction. It’s the weekend Baby!

Nelson Mandela: A rare breed

18^th July, Nelson Mandela's birthday was gazetted by the UN as Mandela day in 2009 and celebrated for the first time in 2010. 67 minutes of charity are encouraged in honour of Mandela's 67 years of fighting for social, political and economic justice. 

That is in a small part, the size of Nelson Mandela. When he turned 95 (the last age he would live to) I had wanted to put up a blog in tribute to this great son of Africa, but I couldn't find the words for this great man. I had nothing to write about the man so I decided to just reproduce the lyrics to John Clegg’s famous song Asimbonanga. When he died I equally didn’t have anything to write, so I decided to just share some famous pictures of Mandela and some of his famous quotes.

However, on the first Mandela day since his death, I've decided to discuss some aspects of this extra ordinary life as I have experienced it many kilometers away having never met the man or even been close as being within a 100 kilometers to where he may have been at any moment. But that was the influence of Nelson Mandela, you didn't need to be near him, you just felt his influence. 

Very few can deny that Madiba, as he was fondly called by his clan name, was a rare breed. I first came to know that there was a human being called Nelson Mandela in the late 80's when I was a very young boy. My friend's young brother who is my friend too and a family friend happened to be named Nelson. Funny enough, this Nelson, the other name Muyaba, many years later would be on my wedding ceremony bridal party. Without digressing, the story is that I had heard a few people refer to Nelson Muyaba as Nelson Mandela. 

So when I heard Nelson Mandela being mentioned a couple of times by many people who were older, I always wondered why my friend was called that too. My elder brothers would later explain to me that Nelson Mandela was a freedom fighter imprisoned for demanding equality and an end to apartheid. Aged just five, six or seven, the terms freedom fighter, equality and apartheid did not really bring any serious meaning home. However, there were a number of South African songs that depicted the fight against apartheid that were being played on Zambia National Broadcasting Corporation (ZNBC) TV and since some of the songs were too 'graphic', I started to fill the gaps in my understanding of apartheid. 

Then one day I sat down in front of the TV to watch the movie Sarafina, the epic film that stared Whoopi Goldberg, and my respect for the anti apartheid activists sky rocketed. There were many names that constantly made headlines, and my memory recalls the names Walter Sisulu and Oliver Tambo. Of all the anti apartheid activists and freedom fighters the name Nelson Mandela was one that sent the greatest repulsive waves across the world. Free Mandela was the common chorus out of Africa, Latin America, Asia Europe and just throughout the world. A FREE man, is what Mandela became on 11th February 1990.

Upon his release from prison, Mandela's first visit was Zambia where many of the Africa National Congress (ANC) activists who had fled the jaws of apartheid and fear of jail found refuge. Though I was quite young then, I still remember how big an occasion Mandela's coming to Zambia was. The preceding year had also seen the visit to Zambia, of Pope John Paul II which was another big occasion I remember.

While many people much older than me remember the Mandela of the 60's who was imprisoned for 27 years, many from my generation only remember the Mandela that came out of Prison. He was an ageing man but very much a self assured man who believed in himself and his way of things but never shied away from changing course every time he realized he was on the wrong side. He also had a tinge of arrogance about him but at the same time showed he was a humble man. One thing he did do after his release from prison was to embark on an extensive international travelling expedition where he addressed many forums including the OAU, World economic Forum, and many other summits as well as receiving various peace prizes together with F W de Klerk. However, while visiting the Scandinavian countries and Czechoslovakia in May 1992, Mandela shocked the world when his confrontational side emerged once more by suggesting that F W de Klerk was personally responsible for the political violence in South Africa at the time. 

He likened the violence in South Africa to the killing of Jews in Nazi Germany. Mandela also criticised what he felt was the stranglehold imposed on the South African press, which represented White-owned conglomerates. This attack had shocked many as Mandela had mostly taken the role of mediator of the different political factions in South Africa and signing many peace accords. Perhaps it was the case of 'old habits die hard', as he was one of the founders of the ANC military wing, Umkhonto we Sizwe.

In the time Mandela was in jail, there had emerged a cadre of youth who had lived through the struggle years and they believed in violence and confrontation as the number one solution in order to achieve anything. Most of these saw Mandela as having been softened by jail and did not approve of his no-violence stance. In April, 1993 Mandela was booed at a rally in Soweto’s Jabulani stadium when he tried to convey a message of peace and restraint following the assassination of Chris Hani.

Mandela also caused a political row after he had been voted ANC president to replace the ailing Oliver Tambo when he suggested that South Africa's voting age should be lowered to enable 14-year old children to vote.

As it turned out, Mandela would be the first president of a democratic election in South Africa barely 4 years after release from prison. Mandela's 27 years in prison I can imagine were dominated by tremendous hardship. There were freezing winter nights, suffocating summer days, poorly if not barely cooked food and back-breaking labor. On cold winter nights, a thin mat which has now found itself in a museum served as a bed, on a stone floor for most of his time behind bars. Winnie Madikizela Mandela had been to see her husband a restricted number of times only. In that same period he lost his First born Son & his mother but was not allowed to attend each of their funerals! In addition, none of his children was allowed to visit him in jail. In those 27 years there were moments of high drama, including aborted escape plans (Michael Scorfield Prison Break stunts).

Nelson Mandela is a rare breed not because he spent 27 years in jail, but because besides undergoing so much - he chose to forgive. That is not what other African freedom fighters did. The early freedom fighters became demi-gods in their own countries with most of them throwing out of the window all the democratic tenets they preached and putting on the entire dictatorial amour they sought to rid from their colonial masters.

Nelson Mandela chose a different path, embracing forgiveness, reconciliation as well as choosing not to keep hold of power for eternity. Perhaps he had the advantage of seeing what had happened to the other freedom fighter before him who held onto power for many years until they became irrelevant or their own citizens didn't want them anymore there by being humiliated out of office and a new breed of African leaders emerging in the 90’s. Some have even suggested that at the age of 76 when he was elected as president, Mandela didn't have enough fight left in him hence he chose to forgive all his oppressors, aggressors and enemies so that he could live his final years in peace.

Whatever the rationale behind his choices which led to the decisions of forgiveness and reconciliation, nothing can be taken away from his desire for a just society. In his own words, in court before sentencing in 1964, he chose these word; "During my lifetime I have dedicated myself to this struggle of the African people. I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons will live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for. But, my lord, if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die."

Mandela's pre-occupation was not to change the skin colour of the ruling elite from white and replace with black. His ideology was to bring forth a democratic dispensation where ideals of the rule of law, one man one vote, equality and a free press were truly present. To him it didn't matter who was in power as long as the system promoted the ideals of equality. He didn't need to rule forever to make this happen. He just happened to have been the conduit through which the Republic of South Africa buried the hewers of hate and drawers of colour on one side and those who wield mastery over the countries resources on the other.

In 1999, after only a single term in office, Mandela handed over first the ANC presidency to Thabo Mbeki. He would later choose not to contest the Republican presidency, again paving the way for Thabo Mbeki to be elected president. At the time Mandela stepped down as republican president I was away at boarding school and we didn't get much news then, but Mandela stepping down was news that filtered through to us at a time when internet was not much developed in this part of the world.

I remember when I heard the news I was shocked! After all the years in jail, the least we could have expected him was to complete his mandatory two terms. We have seen other even try to subvert constitutions by going for a third term of office. This is what set him apart. He didn't want to rule for 27 years as compensation for being in jail. This is my greatest memory of Mandela. It was a first in my life time. We had gotten used to the likes of Kamuzu Banda and Kenneth Kaunda who had to lose an election in order to cede power.

In my younger days, much earlier I the 90’s, we would refer to Kamuzu Banda as the Kaunda of Malawi. In other words Kaunda was the term for president. “Who is the Kaunda of country X or country Y?”, we would ask each other. All the great sons of Africa who brought us freedom have been special in their own respective ways. Kwame Nkruma, Mobutu Seseseko, Julius Nyerere, Kenneth Kaunda, Samora Machel, Kamuzu Banda and many others, but Mandela was more relevant to my time. His relevance has made him all the more, a rare breed among his peers. Sixty seven years of fighting for social justice, and not even making any fortune out of it. Truly a rare breed.

That's just me.

A brief introspection of ‘me’ reveals that a few years ago I was able to define myself in many different ways using different gobbledygook (to borrow from George Mpombo’s words). Today, all I say is that I am just me, and unless I am attending a job interview or in a meeting delivering a business pitch, I really don't know how to define myself. That's just me.

All I know is that I am a unique individual. I love life. I love my wife. I love my son. I love the rest of my family. I love my friends. I love to write.  I love good music. I love sports.  I love to read.  I love to be random.  I love to love.  I love me. That's just me.

I’m no better than any other human, neither am I any lesser human.  I’m not one to think I’m high and mighty.  I’m just…myself. I’m a creation of what is in my mind.  I seek to find and understand myself everyday but never finding me. That's just me.

I certainly have people that understand me even when I myself still seek to find myself. I do have people with whom I connect with, with whom I can have a great conversation with and so on. But I still have many, with whom I struggle to develop bonds with. That's just me.

That's just me. Purposely or not, I have my comfort zones and people I have in close proximity (or is it within my circle) as I keep finding myself. To many people though, I am hard to understand, extremely hard to define, perhaps hard to hate, hard to love; and extremely hard to please. That's just me.

One thing I'd say is that over the years, I've chosen my friends and confidants carefully. Looking back, it could have been a conscious decision I made. I needed to find happiness from within myself and no where else. In a world where friends can stab you in the back or use your back to climb the many life's ladders, to get to whatever heights they want to get to, it's wise to sieve friends. That' just me.

I have learned that learning is an everyday process until the very last breath of life. Yes until the very last breath of life. Even on the death bed, there are valuable lessons one can pick up. So then if learning is an everyday thing, how can I find myself? Well that's just me questioning myself. That's just me.

I’m a strange person definitely.  Funny enough, I like to be different and that I am.  I like to make my own opinions of things. I like having my own personal view point and digesting everything from my own perspective. Don't get me wrong, I learn a lot from other people, but a big part of my everyday existence still remains finding myself. That's just me. 

Finding myself has been a big part of my life's journey. I guess it stems from the fact that I am a last born child and I grew up trying to be like all of my older siblings but each had some unattractive behavioral traits I saw in them hence I kept looking. In the end it became a big battle choosing who to be like. But, do I really need to be like anybody else? How can I find me? I will keep looking for me. That's just me.

Many a time within myself, has been a raging debate in my mind. The answer I have always arrived at has been to find myself, and not find in me, a part of my siblings or any other person for that matter. I have ultimately always found time to myself to think and enjoy moments of 'me' time.  That is just me.

In good times and in the worst times…I find some 'me' time.  However, in trying to find my space as a father and a husband, my 'me' time has become ever so limited. My time is for other people, and the 'me' time is a waste of time. Time for some changes within myself I guess. Well, that's just me.

I remain a rather unique individual.  An extremely loving, tolerant individual. The other side of me is different. I am an individual who cares not what people think about what I do. But how is that possible not to care when I am not an island? I am a believer in individuality and what a group of individuals can achieve as a united team. I am my own individual.  And I love it.  I love me.  That's just me.

So my path to finding myself continues. I'll keep learning, introspecting and keep walking. I need to keep understanding myself more, find myself, the self I keep departing from many times. That's just me.

Still looking for me

Monster in law, Bother in law & Sorry in law …

The recent events surrounding the famous Knowles-Carter Celebrity family have prompted me to discuss the issue of in-law relations. Difficulty subject definitely, but I’ll discuss it in the context of the events in that Standard Hotel elevator after the met gala ball.

Hip-hop and business mogul Jay-Z, real name Shaun Carter was recently attacked in an elevator by Solanje Knowles, the young sister to his wife Beyonce. A video from the hotel’s lifts that was leaked to US celebrity website TMZ, shows Solanje kicking and punching her brother-in-law while Beyonce stands seemingly disinterested. Even though the video which has been widely circulated on the internet has no audio, one can conclude that Solanje’s attack was expletive laden too. A bodyguard is seen trying to restrain Solanje but she pulls away and continues the attack on her brother-in-law.

Why Beyonce stands there with an apathetic or unconcerned reaction as her sister physically attacks her husband really bothers me. In addition, Beyonce is then pictured leaving with her sister in the same car while Jay-Z in a separate car. Hardly two days after the incidence, Beyonce shared a series of pictures of herself and the sister on her instagram account. Some of the pictures were from their childhood while others were from recent events like when they performed at a concert together. That in my eyes was an endorsement of the sister’s despicable actions. However, a few days later the family released a statement in which both Solanje and Jay-Z claimed they had resolved their differences and were a united family who just had a fight like every family does.

Nothing attracts attention and speculation like a celebrity family fight in a public place, especially a notoriously secretive family like the Carters. Jay-Z and Beyonce are perhaps the most notoriously secretive celebrity couple today. The couple had dated for close to eight years before they married but almost always denied they were a couple even when it seemed obvious to the whole world.

So as speculation of what might have led to the elevator attack became rife and plenty, I looked at two versions and even though they seemed like the worst case scenarios, that did not permit Solanje’s attack. The first rumour was that Solanje was cross with Jay because while he is a mogul who has lifted the careers of many, he seemed disinterested in her career. After a few drinks at the met gala party, Jay-Z mentioned he was going to attend Rihanna’s party that night and as Beyonce said she wasn’t attending, he mentioned he would go alone. This according to the speculation is what infuriated Solanje.

Another version is that Rachael Roy, a former wife of Jay’s former business partner Damon Dash, had been seen too close to Jay to an extent that two of Solanje’s friends who had been heard claiming they were there at the invitation of Jay-Z were bellowed by the rapper for pretending to be his guests after Rachel Roy brought this fact to the Hard Knock life hit maker. According to this version of speculation, Rachael Roy’s relationship with Jay has not been the most fancied friendship in the eyes of the Knowles sisters.

And the award goes to...Solanje!

The sister in law (sorry in law)

Whatever sin Jay-Z might have committed, I do not believe a sister-in-law has any right to attack her sister’s husband. It is my long held belief that when a problem stems up in any relationship, no third party should take a side least of all the side of a relative. In addition, it is the duty of a spouse to shield a partner from the scrutiny, attacks and ridicule of family.

When a spouse or partner does not do this for the other half, a pandora’s box of problems is opened. These are problems that are certain to make the ‘in-law relationship’ never a good one. African marriage counselors even advise couples not to confide their relationship problems to their families but instead to the families of their spouse. This is so in order to avoid a situation where the weaknesses and mistakes of one are constantly exposed to in-laws.

In most relationships, the sister-in-law many a time over steps her boundary in trying to protect the interests of her sister or brother when in her eyes their partner is seen to be leading her sibling in the wrong direction. In the case of Solanje’s attack on Jay-Z, notwithstanding the many speculated reasons as motive for the attack, the best she could have done is confide in her sister that she didn’t approve of the brother-in-law’s association with Rachael Roy, Rihana or whatever the real reason was and nothing more.

Even though latest speculation suggests that Jay-Z has been two-timing his wife with a New York hostess named Casey Cohen, who he reportedly sees at least twice a month, Solanje’s attack on the brother-in-law is still inexcusable. Without overly blaming Solanje, Beyonce’s nonchalant response is not one I'd have taken lightly when put in the shoes of Jay-Z. A wife should at all times protect her husband from the scrutiny and ridicule of siblings and then if need be, berate the husband in private. 

As a wife, or even as a husband, one's first allegiance is to the spouse. No matter how heavy a bond one may have shared with his/her siblings in the past. You recognize that you and your spouse are a couple, made into one entity by the marriage vows. By promising to love and honor one another, you have created your own family which must now come first. You are now a team, which must work as one, get hurt as one. This doesn't mean that one must throw out his/her family, but protecting the spouse creates a more unified new happy family.

The sister-in-law has also been known to cause trouble by engaging in sexual relations with the brother-in-law behind the sister's back. Many marriages have broken down once a sister became too familiar with her brother-in-law. If it gets to this level, you have yourself a sorry-in-law and not sister-in-law.

The brother in law (Bother in law)

While the sister-in-law may be a problem for either a brother-in-law or a sister-in-law, the brother-in-law (bother-in-law) is usually a problem to his brother-in-law - the husband to his sister. There are many stories where the brother-in-law has been known to physically attack his sister's husband. However, the brother-in-law is rarely found meddling in the affairs of his sister unless in situations where there is really a guilty party or he perceives it as such. However, that is no excuse for him to meddle in the affairs of his sister.

As is usually the case, the brother-in-law who is over protective of his sister is one usually who himself is guilty of the crimes he is charging the brother-in-law-with. Most times he will get on a moral high horse and gallop off into the self-righteous distance, burying his indulgences in the sand only to return with a barrage of cases against the brother in law and convicting him guiltily.

As is the case with the sister-in-law, even in the relationship between brothers-in-law, the key is for the third party to stay away and let the sister exist in that relationship without the due interference of a third party. I personally believe that the most healthy brother-in-law relationship is achieved when they treat each other as friends. The friendlier they become the better they will understand each other and be able to develop mutual respect towards each other.

I can attest to the fact that when brothers-in-law treat each other as friends, a very healthy relationship ensues. Recently one of my wife’s cousins confessed that he was amazed at the kind of relationship my wife’s immediate elder brother and I share. His amazement stemmed at the fact that I had been in my brother-in-law’s company at local holsters on a few times and we would relax while discussing various topics including very personal problems within our homes and how we overcome them.

In as much as the gentleman was amazed at this extra ordinary friendship between brothers-in-law, he admitted the fact that the key to such a relationship was mutual respect.

The mother in law (Monster in law)

Relationships with mothers-in-law are many a time said to be pretty complicated. Most of the times, the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law live a real drama, plunging into an obscure universe of fears, intolerance and, in some cases, intrigues or hatred. She thinks she’s well-meaning, and the son's wife thinks she’s down right annoying. The proverbial mother-in-law / daughter-in-law conflict appears as an eternal tragedy.

There isn't a rule, that a mother-in-law and daughter- in-law relationship should be conflict laden, but, in most cases, the relationship is not a friendly one. The relationship is further strained if the two (mother-in-law and daughter-in-law) live under the same roof.

In as much as mothers-in-law are rarely a problem for the husbands of their daughters, there are isolated cases where such relations are strained. I know of a gentleman who has had to exchange harsh words with his wife's mother a couple of times until one day he barred her from visiting his home.

However conflict between a mother-in-law and her daughter's husband is far between, while the age old battle between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law rages on. One theory that has been floated around and has been given credence by German psychologists is 'the female complex theory'. The psychologists have issued a hypothesis according to which accentuated feminine complexes, both of the mother-in-law and the daughter-in–law, would greatly contribute to the generation of conflict.

Thus, in the space controlled by a mother-in-law, she will have a more powerful perception of her own complexes, due to a younger female presence. As a result, the psychic tension of the mother-in-law grows, whether she recognizes this or not. In this situation, mother-in-law shows a hostile attitude. Often, the daughter-in-law reacts with reciprocated appropriate behavior, which is the premise of a real conflict.

Another common theory is 'the beloved son that has been kidnapped by the daughter-in-law', which declares that; Like any woman, a mother defends her child from any intruders. Thus, unconsciously, some mothers-in-law may adopt a hostile attitude that leads to conflict.

There are a lot of theories that many psychologists and social scientists have come up with. However I truly believe that while many of these theories may have some aorta of truth, a big percentage of these conflicts arise as a result of stereotypical perceptions long harbored in our minds.

Sofas for in-laws? 

My views... my thoughts...

What stereotypical perceptions am I talking of? Because we know of an in-law relationship that wasn't exactly a great one then we expect to also have a strained relationship with our in-law! It is such stereotype perceptions that we all need to move away from so that we are as open minded as possible when it comes to in-law relations. 

I’ve never been a true fan of change.  It’s never been my thing.  Why?  I hate change that comes as a result of a reaction to society's perceived wrongs. I believe true change is only achieved at individual level by reacting to personal situations and giving personal thought to one's circumstances. Too many folks want to believe that a mother-in-law will be a monster, the brother-in-law a bother and so on. I do not share this perception. This is the perception many folks out there must change.

My point is that if you go into marriage expecting constrained in-law relations, that is exactly what you will get. You will react negatively to any little actions you will perceive as provocative even when it may be an honest joke. Most people that get into relationships with a pre-conceived thought that the in-laws will be trouble usually find what they are looking for -trouble. The fact remains that in life, whatever decision one makes it is going to upset another and that includes an in-law. Now if in one's mind they were expecting strained in-law relations, the very first time opinions are divided over an issue there will only be one outcome-trouble.

That is life. There are so many valid issues one can chew oneself over, so no need to make in-law relations one of them. Save the angst for other issues. Instead one must open their mind up and be expectant of the best in-law relations as they are one's newest family members. If you get into a relationship with an open mind you will enjoy your in-law relations.

I am the most open minded person when it comes to in-law relations thus I have enjoyed such relations for the last 18 months that I have been married. I do not want to portray rosy in-law relations, but my wife and I have appreciated open-mindedness and not letting popular perceptions without any recourse to personal judgment to become our own personal perceptions.

I am not one that picks up a phone every day to call my mother, but so many times my wife will do this and only inform me that mum was passing her regards. My mother also reciprocates by calling my wife so many times too. At least they are open minded and willing to enjoy their in-law relations and thus far have done nothing but enjoy this relationship. They are like mother and daughter and that is how it should be.

I have mentioned the cordial relationship I share with my brothers-in-law; I must also mention that I greatly enjoy my relationship with my mother-in-law too. She is like my own mother. In fact another of my wife's cousins who visited us at our humble abode in Lusaka having traveled from Glasgow Scotland mentioned she was surprised my mother-in-law and I, were eating from the same dining table.

Of course this was a light moment from her, as she later went on about how in-laws in her new home where she has spent close to 17years address each other on a first name basis. Had this been coming from a Sengahill or maybe a Mishulundu village in Kalabo dweller, I wouldn't be far from the truth if I said; it could have been representative of the general approach to in-law relation by most Africans. Generally Africans build brick walls in their relations with in-laws.

It is this brick wall I am really against. For this reason I reiterate the need for change in attitude in this regard. Changes that will see people look forward to seeing their mother-in-laws as their own mothers and enjoy life together as one family.

If some misunderstanding creeps into the family, there is no need to dodge or shelve it. Instead, bite the bullet and talk things over and move on as one family. There is no denying that this can never be an easy undertaking as things can be very tense under normal circumstances, but they can only be made better when treating each other as one family.

Having called for open minded relations between in-laws, the golden rule of non-interference by a third party in any relationship still remains the number one rule in order to maintain healthy in-law relations. Life isn't always black-and-white; there's a lot of room for gray between the lines. There is no reason for anyone outside of a marriage 'union between two people to the exclusion of all others' (as marriage is defined by the civic marriage registrar) to try and play umpire in the name of protecting a sister, son, brother daughter or whoever.

Such actions only create monsters, bothers or sorry in law, sadly Solanje has gone down as a sorry in law.

Blog Anniversary

Not for the first time, I openly assert the fact that I get the greatest inspiration not from the greatest philosophers, most achieving sportspeople nor the most distinguished politicians. Instead it is the closest of my friends that inspire me the most. I am one person who would not pay a motivational speaker in the hope of getting motivated to do big things.

Anyway, excuse my constant reminders about my lack of ‘celebrity’ centered motivation. In this blog, I’d like to specially acknowledge one of my friends as having inspired the birth of this blog site. The truth is that I credit Keith Hamusute for inspiration, encouragement and support towards the creation of this blog site. Keith himself has been maintaining a blog site he aptly calls ‘footprints in the dust’ since 2010 and I had been a regular visitor on his blog site since 2011. He is such a free thinker and an articulate writer. Every time I visit his blog site I can certainly feel the reverberation of his astuteness. Every blog post he put up, 80% of the time felt like my own words, my thoughts which had been plucked right out of me.

"Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together
people who never knew each other, citizens of distant epochs"

The reason for that I believe is simply that we are from the same generation, born around the same time, and then grew up experiencing similar circumstances even though we grew up in very different and distant places. Funny enough by the time we met, we shared a lot of things in common. We listened to the same kind of music, supported the same football team, went to the same church and the list of the common things that bound us during our time together is endless. To cut the long story short, after more than 2 years of following Keith’s blog site, I knew I wanted to tell my own stories in my own way and more importantly to exploit the 20% that was in my mind that he didn’t tell. As much as 80% of what he said felt like it was coming from me, I still wanted to blurt out that other 20%.

Blog stats

I am not known to speak out my mind much, but I do write and have always liked to write quite a lot. In writing I have always found an outlet for all my thoughts. In fact, my spoken words are many a time lost in excessive verbiage such that over the years I have learned to speak less believing a man of few words easily gets his point across. However I must confess I had reduced on reading and consequently writing. Life just became too busy for everything else except reading and writing. The closest to reading I ever came across was a study text book. As the years went on, I read less and I stopped writing at all. The last diary I owned and used to write memoirs of my daily life and experiences was in 2007.

So a little over a year ago, I found myself in a perplexity that William Shakespeare would refer to as; “to be or not to be, that is the question!” I chose ‘to be’ and I set up this blog site with the first blog post published on 13^th June 2013.

Since then I have put up thirty nine (39) posts, twenty seven (27) in 2013 and 12 so far this year. The very first post (debut in sporting language) is my favourite of all posts I have published so far. It is my favourite because it got me out of my shell and thus shed off 'my waned love for writing'. I always believe my blogs are really followed by a few of my friends but I have come to realize that some posts have appeared on google search results there by being accesed by a a lot more people. For this reason, I decided to track the most popular posts. 

As at 13th June 2014, the most popular blog was 'Trevor Noah on Zambian escalators', having had 1447 plus visits with the closest popular blog accounting for just over 257 visits of the total blog page visits at 6240. However, I suspect the only reason the post attracted that many readers is simply that the name Trevor Noah can easily come up on Google search results, thus a good number of the visitors 'accidentally' get to the blog.

One other reason could be that a lot of people just didn't believe what Trevor had said of Zambians and their incredulity towards escalators hence have been on the search for any material related to the story of escalators in Zambia as described by non-other than South Africa’s comic par excellence himself – Trevor Noah. However, for a very long time before the escalators blog was published, the most popular blog had been 'ice-cream and bikinis'. The reasons this was popular I really don't know but I suspect everyone was just amused at the connection between the two. 

The blog which I had the most fun writing, ‘the photographer in me’, though, has not proved to be popular. I actually wrote that particular blog just after attending a wedding ceremony on a weekend and as throngs of photographers jostled around in the hope of getting as many shots as was possible, I felt at times some of them were crossing the thin line of photographic etiquette. As soon as I got home I decided to write something about it.

The other thing I noticed is that even though I blog on my experiences and thoughts which most of the time center on life in Zambia, the blog site is more popular outside Zambia than it is in Zambia. 

The most traffic is generated from the USA, Canada, Germany, South Africa, Netherlands, Ukraine, United Kingdom and yes China. However my mention of some statistics of the blog site since the first blog was published, is not to showboat or create a perception that I maintain a very successful blog site. The reason for this blog is not a numbers measurement but just a celebration that after one year, I didn't drop the ball by the way side.

Instead, blogging has helped me rediscover my love reading and writing as well as adding a different dimension as I have developed a habit of following other blog sites among them, 'one more pair of boots' by Muuka Mary Gwaba, 'this is life' by Susan Mwape and another very successful and interesting blog site ‘diary of a frustrated brotha’. There are a few more other blog sites I enjoy reading and from which I am learning each day what blogging is all about.  

TREVOR WAS RIGHT: Escalators still fascinate many Zambians like
these copper-belt residents waiting for their turn to 'ride'

But what is blogging all about for me? I believe blogging is really just about using “words” or "pictures" in order to get the “word” out. We are now living in an age of the “online community” where everything is stored online, including books. I take blogging as all forms of authorship from an own book to magazine articles or even just an online diary. Blogs must not be too long, although many times I am guilty of long blogs and go over in order to adequately cover a topic.

I shot this: The two gentlemen in the picture at the weekend told me they
traveled from Kalulushi to Ndola just to come and have a feel of the escalator. 

HALLE BERRY BIKINI MOMENT!
This scene from the James Bond movie 'die another day' probably made the bikini
a very popular item. The name bikini in a blog post made the blog popular i think

Zambians having a bikini moment

On my blogs, I seek to speak my mind on anything even discussing topics I’d not normally address every other day. My philosophy is that free thought, free expression and self-determination are truly the real creek of true happiness. Every man has got to think freely. Even the man in prison has got to have a free mind though the body is incarcerated. Humanity must thrive on self-expression. It is okay to express one self, even when others feel you are stupid or not making any sense. That is just their opinion and each person needs to have their own independent opinion.

Those that have taken their time to engage me at any level of discussion or commentary regarding the material I have put up have not always agreed with me. One Zambian lady who resides in the United Kingdom was so annoyed with my blog “retired in national interest, the professor Chirwa story” such that she sent a private message to my google+ inbox to tell me that I have got to be ashamed of myself. We didn't really engage further as the next message she sent me was to just tell me that we live in different worlds.

However I’d have loved to hear more from her and get her complete opinion on the entire Clive Chirwa and Zambia Railways affair. However I truly understand that not everything that is my opinion will be shared by all. After all, depending on the time and place, I may not hold the same opinion years later when faced by different circumstances in a different place at a different time.

For this reason the blog aptly declares; “Free thought and expression is my philosophy. Thus my opinions on this blogsite are formed on the basis of logic, reason, and empiricism, rather than authority, tradition, or other dogmas. I will not accept ideas proposed as truth without recourse to knowledge and reason.”