In my generation, we all yearn for a fairy-tale life, a big house with self-contained bedrooms, a beautiful supportive spouse and enchantment all around. There is nothing wrong with that. Reality however never offers fairy situations, but delivers a more balanced setting.
In reality you get a drop dead gorgeous wife but she has a terrible personality. She cannot stand your friends or family and you end up spending your entire life apportioning pre-disposition between your wife versus other people in your life.
Maybe you get a good looking husband with the biggest wallet in town and you become the envy of all the women in town. You live a very assured life style, never lacking any material possession, but there are rumours all over town that your husband has not one, but a mistresses in every neighborhood in town all of whom he has bought luxurious villas and takes care of all their needs.
Some of them you discovered on your own without the rumours and you have had confrontations with them. At times you noticed or suspected he was cheating but just never took any action. Maybe he just has all the money and never cheats, but is such a bore for your own personality. Maybe the fact that he is boring is one you can live with; but he has never ever satisfied you sexually.
The point I am trying to make is that life evens itself out. Some of the people we admire the most are going through the most difficult situations that they have to overcome every day but they put up a brave face as they move around.
Life may seem like a party every day for some, but reality is that they equally have issues they deal with which just aren't the same issues we face. Writing this blog actually feels like going through a therapy session as so much is going on with me but I always know life eventually evens itself out and like Kirk Franklin put it – Joy comes in the morning. I just find a balance in all the good things that call for a celebration and all the other things that don’t go according to expectation.
But then I ask, why do we have illusions of Utopian lifestyles? Of course it’s not wrong to hope and expect the most ideal setup where we are prosperous and nothing ever goes wrong in our personal relations or professional and business life. To live we must constantly dream. But to what extent must we be dependent on our dreams and expectation? Do dreams really come true?
Truth is I have a great imagination and so many times I subject events to further questioning and seeking of ideal situations without the foregoing. Let me pick issues I brought up in my previous blog, to which one of my friends made these comments;
“I shudder with utter helplessness at the reality. Each day is a constant wedging of ones expectations and clinging to those aspects that intersect between ideal and realism, finding happiness in them and believing that a better tomorrow is achievable. And I suppose it is achievable as long as we keep working towards plugging the gap between the real and ideal.”
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In going back to the issues discussed in the said blog, the first issue of the teacher who beat up a catholic nun. When I saw on Muvi TV news, a clip of a teacher, whom I've now come to learn is Dasswell Sichilongo, violently beating up a catholic nun I was shocked. This kind of thing doesn't happen in this world. I mean who beats up a nun? Punching her on the face and hitting her against the wall! I was left in shock and awe. In my world this doesn't happen. We resolve our problems amicably. These are teachers who teach society not only science and arithmetic but morals and life skills too. They hold the moral high torch of society. But, that is only in my dream world.
I know for sure that in my real world there are massive campaigns to eradicate any violence against women. In fact, the campaigns have been all inclusive as they also deter any violence by women against men. The NGO’s have coined the term Gender Based Violence (GBV). In recent months, there had been a number of cases reported where women attacked their husbands either in deep sleep or drunken stupor especially targeting the male genitalia.
One unlucky man had his testicles cut, another had his penis sliced and there were many other disturbing stories that made the news. For close to two months it seemed as if the women were on a roll against the male species. These are not stories from my dream world but my real world. This is a sad reality.
As for Mr Sichilongo, it turned out that he had the misfortune of being mistaken for a ghost worker by some ‘very competent’ accountant thus could not access his monthly salary as his bank account was frozen. The nun, who happened to be the head teacher, then locked up Mr Sichilongo’s house after he couldn’t pay rent on time.
Agreed violence should not be tolerated in a civilized world, but who gives the nun who is supposed to be moved by compassion as a result of her calling, the right to lock someone's house, whose bank account has been frozen on suspicion of being a ghost worker. When I put myself in the shoes of Mr Sichilongo, I felt pity for the man especially that we live in a country where when the women’s lobby groups cry, the justice system makes an example of you.
Imagine if he is the sole bread winner, this family was going through quite a lot and pressure at home and at work, empty fridge etc, it was bad. The nun should have been the first one to have felt pity on the poor man really. All these are events of my real world and not dream world. The nun though has in the end shown an attribute of Christianity by reconciling with the man and dropping the assault case that was in court there by paving way for his acquittal.
The first time this Roma girls drama came to light, the thought that came to my mind was a line from one of the songs by one of the Zambian musicians. It must be the big guy, MC Wabwino who did that song. I don't know the actual song title, but he does repeat the words 'icifukushi te kusova’ quite a lot. Translated loosely icifukushi te kusova, means - anger doesn't solve. Mr Sichilongo should still have exercised restraint by all means before unleashing that beating on the nun. Whether the beating qualifies as GBV is something else.
It is not only teachers who beat up nuns shocking me recently. I was recently shocked by the celebrations that met Wynter’s dismissal from government and party position. There were people matching the streets in celebration, others on social media and many other media platforms. Zambia didn't win the AFCON again nor did we hear that fuel prices had gone down so I didn't have any reason for celebration.
There could be something I am missing. The celebrations I witnessed are not something I understand. Then there were headlines and editorials that concurrently ran in the post newspaper eulogizing Mr Kabimba. Why couldn't we just let the man be so that he went back to his private life with his family and friends while the nation moved on ahead. I don’t understand this proclivity for believing so much that individuals and not systems are the sole saviours of a nation. It seems we are so much in need of heroes.
The need for heroes is something the whole of humanity is in the hunt for. One morning we see newspaper headlines that a certain Bobby East who is a Zambian rapper has a sex video circulating on Whats-app mobile phone application. The weeks that followed, his songs were at the top of the radio chart shows. He is not the first to gain fame after a leaked sex video. Not the first in Zambia or the entire world.
Every time I see Kim Kardashian in the newspapers or TV I have always asked what she is and has done to gain the fame and the only answer I have got is that she recorded a sex tape with the young brother of musician Brandy. As for Brandy’s brother I had never heard of him, until he did a duet with the sister on a song originally done by the legend Phil Collins. I struggle to remember any other great musical material from him. In my dream world, Magnus Carlsen the 23 year old chess grand master rated the best chess player currently at 2872, the highest in history, should be more famous than those who in their private lives shoot videos of them indulging in sex.
This is my real world. It is a tough world where not everything goes according to expectation. Some women expect to marry very wealthy men but those are in short supply and even those available have their own short comings so such women elect to stay single and just date one married man after another. Men expect a woman with a body like Beyonce, the personality of mother Teresa, the sex appeal of Shakira, the brains of Condoleza Rice, the aura of Oprah Winfrey. That woman doesn't exist.
As tough as things may be in my real world, I still believe that some of the things that continue to happen today, we must never allow to perpetuate the status quo as society. Take for instance the role we have given to political cadres in Zambia. How on earth do they have a right to live a life above the law? They can demonstrate anytime they want against any person who stands in their way. University students will see the inside of jail for any demonstration as police will not watch from a distance the way they do with political cadres. Students will be tear-gassed even when they are studying in their rooms; they will be chased around and arrested to face the law.
The political cadres don’t end at demonstrations. No. These are such a powerful species they walk on any piece of land and subdivide it to willing bidders without regard of who holds title to the land. A former MP on the Copper-belt was axed to death when he came to defend his piece of farm land that was being subdivided in broad day light. This is my real world. But it shouldn't be like this, we can do better.
In my dream world the role of a political cadre is to explain party manifestos and do charity work or any other work that can help their party to raise funds. I believe this we can do; unless my idealism is very disconnected from realism, but maybe I need a blog on a day in the life of a political cadre!
