The truth is that there is no blueprint to parenting. There is no manual. Each child is unique and will require unique ways to deal with each one of them. Whenever there is undesirable behavior in children, parent reaction must always be well measured in seeking to correct the undesirable behavior. A lot of parents will prefer spanking, others would rather just talk to their children, while other will scream at the top of their voices and talk all day about the it.
A Zambian parent however recently found out that there is really a thin line between discipline and abuse. A video went viral on the internet of a man slapping his son while complaining of how much he spent to put his boys into school and all they could do is fail without shame. Disturbingly, there is a female in the house recording the whole incidence on video and saying, “George stop beating them, come on.”
The man responds, “This is stupidity, you can’t be saying stop beating them.”
“Do you know what this means?” he asks.
“I know, but why are you beating them?” the woman’s voice is heard again.
At that point the man turns to his child and says, “This is a scar on your entire life. Even if you come and pass your next sitting you will have 2. You know the reputation this stupid thing gives you.”
The woman’s voice is heard again but the man continues, “you are a big boy. You can’t read? Why the hell do you come home with results like you can’t read, 9?”
The video lasts a few seconds short of 2 minutes as the man continues his complaints punctuated by slaps to the eldest boy and the woman’s voice seeking a truce. The video soon went viral and memes became aplenty with the man in the video given the name George Mambama. Just a few hours later unverified document images started to fill social media with claims the boy is at a popular American school in Lusaka and fees which George was complaining of in the video was $26,500. Another picture shows a boy in a class embracing a girl seemingly of Indian origin. Yet other images showed school results that showed fails in all subjects with Grade 9 and just one pass, a distinction in music. Of course, all those images were unverified.
By the next day, reactions to the video continued with most people calling George out as a child abuser. There was also a police call-out from the Victim support unit asking George to report at the police for questioning and investigations of child abuse. MTN Zambia Twitter account on 23rd April 2020 gave out a statement stating that they had noted the incident being linked to their brand, but the man in question ceased being an employee of the corporation in 2019. The statement precisely read;
"This serves to inform the public that George Bester is not an @MTN_Zambia employee since 2019 and @MTN_Zambia disapproves any violence or abuse towards children."
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| South Africa recently outlawed Corporal punishment |
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| MTN Zambia statement on the George Bester story that went viral |
My view... my thoughts...
The adage ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’ is predominantly derived from the bible. The good book in proverbs 13:24 states that “whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” The proverb is widely used by both Christian and non-Christian believers. In some instances, it is used in reference to corporal punishment.
Corporal punishment on the other hand is without a doubt a destructive form of discipline. In some cases, it is predominantly just a demonstration of hate. The behavior of slave owners in all those slave movies depicts this unequivocally. This in my view is the undesirable use of the adage, spare the rod. The consequence is nothing but just inflicting deliberate physical and emotional pain and discomfort on another human being. This is undesirable and should not be condoned in any part of the world. It should be condemned forthrightly.
However, discipline is necessary for good upbringing. If done properly without crossing the line to abuse, it delivers great results. More compliant behavior from children will be achieved. Some nations such as South Africa may have outlawed corporal punishment in protecting especially children’s rights, however, the nations that retain corporal punishment do so not out of malevolence but to hold the nations together on the discipline and even moral front. As upheld by the good book, the use of the rod in good measure in certain circumstances is necessary.
Parents can and should be able to spank their children to control behavior. Of course, there will be a few parents who cross the line and those should be dealt with by the laws on assault and violence. Physical violence against anyone, let alone children can be so traumatic and may emotionally scar them for many years. Yet, children can still be emotionally scarred not by physical abuse but emotional abuse. What we say to children should be very measured especially during their cognitive learning phase of 8-15 years.
There is no parent who delights in inflicting pain on a child, let alone their own child, relative or dependents. This shouldn’t be done. The objective is not to obligate and wreck pain. Conversely, goal is to teach that every action has consequences. Bad actions have bad consequences and sometimes painful consequences. This can go a long way in raising children that avoid jail in their juvenile and adult years.
Similarly, bad grades at school will also have long term consequences. In my Silozi tongue there is an adage that says 'ukacha masipa ya litaka za hao', loosely translated to mean ‘you will serve your peers as kings and you a slave’. Therefore, a bit of pain now is necessary to turn the tide towards a good future. For this reason, it is my held view that George is as good a parent as they come. I may not support those slaps because usually whipping is more controlled, but the execution was not any abuse of sorts.
I made reference to the fact that there are a lot of children who are exposed to emotional scars by words told to them, than would those few slaps George unleashed on his son would. A lot of parents hurl verbal abuse at children every day. Children grow up in environments of verbal abuse and rarely is this flagged as child abuse by the communities. It is not uncommon to hear parents calling children “imbwa, kolwe, wamungulu” etc. Children grow up without any form of encouragement regarding what they can do well but just what they can’t do.
The Television character Tombi in the TV series Mpali plays this role so well where she perpetually calls her son Mabvuto by such names. That role represents many mothers out there, many parents out there. This is emotional abuse. Of course, there is physical child abuse out there. Yes there is violence against children caused by parents and guardians. Of course, a lot of parents do not know when they have crossed the line of abuse in the quest to discipline children. It is a fine line between discipline and child abuse.
Parents do have an obligation to keep their children safe from physical abuse and violence. It is also the duty of Parents to keep their children on good behavior, control and mould them into good citizens. Parents who get involved in the lives of their children. Not parents whose role is to record a video of the husband disciplining his own child. What was the whole essence of recording the whole episode? The recording just brought ridicule on the family, emotional abuse on the boy who went viral for the wrong things. This George Bester story has been blown out of proportion and all to the detriment of the same child(ren) the community is claiming to want to protect from abuse.
Legislating laws that stop the use of the rod by parents will not stop abuses. It will not stop emotional abuse caused by constant verbal slurs. Parents just need to be made aware that they need to be more present in the lives of their children. Then they will have no reason to want to spank their child as they would have seen the dangers coming well ahead of time and had it controlled without resorting to spanking or slapping like George.
It's a fine line between discipline and abuse.
Corporal punishment on the other hand is without a doubt a destructive form of discipline. In some cases, it is predominantly just a demonstration of hate. The behavior of slave owners in all those slave movies depicts this unequivocally. This in my view is the undesirable use of the adage, spare the rod. The consequence is nothing but just inflicting deliberate physical and emotional pain and discomfort on another human being. This is undesirable and should not be condoned in any part of the world. It should be condemned forthrightly.
However, discipline is necessary for good upbringing. If done properly without crossing the line to abuse, it delivers great results. More compliant behavior from children will be achieved. Some nations such as South Africa may have outlawed corporal punishment in protecting especially children’s rights, however, the nations that retain corporal punishment do so not out of malevolence but to hold the nations together on the discipline and even moral front. As upheld by the good book, the use of the rod in good measure in certain circumstances is necessary.
Parents can and should be able to spank their children to control behavior. Of course, there will be a few parents who cross the line and those should be dealt with by the laws on assault and violence. Physical violence against anyone, let alone children can be so traumatic and may emotionally scar them for many years. Yet, children can still be emotionally scarred not by physical abuse but emotional abuse. What we say to children should be very measured especially during their cognitive learning phase of 8-15 years.
There is no parent who delights in inflicting pain on a child, let alone their own child, relative or dependents. This shouldn’t be done. The objective is not to obligate and wreck pain. Conversely, goal is to teach that every action has consequences. Bad actions have bad consequences and sometimes painful consequences. This can go a long way in raising children that avoid jail in their juvenile and adult years.
Similarly, bad grades at school will also have long term consequences. In my Silozi tongue there is an adage that says 'ukacha masipa ya litaka za hao', loosely translated to mean ‘you will serve your peers as kings and you a slave’. Therefore, a bit of pain now is necessary to turn the tide towards a good future. For this reason, it is my held view that George is as good a parent as they come. I may not support those slaps because usually whipping is more controlled, but the execution was not any abuse of sorts.
I made reference to the fact that there are a lot of children who are exposed to emotional scars by words told to them, than would those few slaps George unleashed on his son would. A lot of parents hurl verbal abuse at children every day. Children grow up in environments of verbal abuse and rarely is this flagged as child abuse by the communities. It is not uncommon to hear parents calling children “imbwa, kolwe, wamungulu” etc. Children grow up without any form of encouragement regarding what they can do well but just what they can’t do.
The Television character Tombi in the TV series Mpali plays this role so well where she perpetually calls her son Mabvuto by such names. That role represents many mothers out there, many parents out there. This is emotional abuse. Of course, there is physical child abuse out there. Yes there is violence against children caused by parents and guardians. Of course, a lot of parents do not know when they have crossed the line of abuse in the quest to discipline children. It is a fine line between discipline and child abuse.
Parents do have an obligation to keep their children safe from physical abuse and violence. It is also the duty of Parents to keep their children on good behavior, control and mould them into good citizens. Parents who get involved in the lives of their children. Not parents whose role is to record a video of the husband disciplining his own child. What was the whole essence of recording the whole episode? The recording just brought ridicule on the family, emotional abuse on the boy who went viral for the wrong things. This George Bester story has been blown out of proportion and all to the detriment of the same child(ren) the community is claiming to want to protect from abuse.
Legislating laws that stop the use of the rod by parents will not stop abuses. It will not stop emotional abuse caused by constant verbal slurs. Parents just need to be made aware that they need to be more present in the lives of their children. Then they will have no reason to want to spank their child as they would have seen the dangers coming well ahead of time and had it controlled without resorting to spanking or slapping like George.
It's a fine line between discipline and abuse.
