I can’t
believe it’s been 5 years already. My son was born on April 18, 2009. It
seems like it was only yesterday, but surely half a decade has elapsed. In that
half a decade, so much has happened. We have shared the best father and son
bond and at times we've had our downs. AND we have loved each other more than anything,
after all he is the mini-me.
My son was born to change me, to let me grow. Two things have made me grow more than any lessons I ever got my entire life. The two things are; becoming a father and becoming a husband. Today as my son Aongola Joshua turns 5, I write him a letter. He may not read it now but I hope he reads it soon and one day when I am gone he understands that daddy loved him, loves, and will always love him.
Dear Son,
The first time I saw you remains one of the most memorable events in my life. You were just a couple of hours old and looked so tiny. I tried to hold you with utmost care, afraid to break you. But then I was told you were actually the heaviest baby born that day at that point. This made me ease up and I held you warmly. This was a momentous point in my life. You changed me and everything I represented as an individual.
You came into this earth as a3.9
kilogram baby, to make his father grow up. You made me appreciate
what the word responsibility means. It’s like God used you to force a
self-professed loner, let someone in. The truth is that I have serious
bonds with very few people… yours and mine will always be the strongest. You
are me and I am you. My blood flows in your blood stream. You are a part
of me that God allowed to be for his own purpose. You are a product of love,
and I will teach you to love. I will teach you to love not only your family and
friends, but adversaries and the rest of humanity.
I will teach you how to be a man on your own so that when one day I am no more, you will take those lessons and conquer the world. Conquer the world yes, is what I am preparing you for. You must conquer not for you but for the benefit of the whole of humanity. I will teach you to respect every being, as respect for others will only breed respect, and appreciation towards you.
But this letter is not about all the lessons that await you, it is a celebration of the last 5 years that your presence in my life has brought. I am not one fond of picking up resemblances in people, but the first time I saw you I could tell you looked just like me. You smiled just like me, with thick lips just like me and had a single dimple on the left cheek just like I had in my younger days.
I remember when you were only 7 months old and I picked you up from your grandparents’ house for a weekend and that day I didn’t have private transport and when I got onto the bus everyone stared at me. They probably thought you were a stolen baby. I think in my part of the world it was strange for a man to be moving alone with a 7 months old baby. We enjoyed the weekend together, and nothing comes close to such an experience.
Of course there are plenty other moments I have enjoyed. I remember driving to Chilanga with you alone in the back seat and as we drove on, I could tell you had messed your diaper but I thought I’d change you once we arrived at my sister’s place. But we approached a road block and the lady cop manning the road block after checking inside the car and saw you decided to ask me to park the car by the road side.
The cop immediately asked another cop to man the road block as she came to us and upon reaching she asked quite a lot of questions and when she opened the door she asked me to change your diaper and I obliged. She probably thought I was being negligent, but I thanked her for giving me the earliest opportunity to change your diaper as driving on the Kafue road highway was not going to afford me the chance, until after we arrived at our destination. The cop’s last words were, “take that baby to its mother, or you may be arrested”. It’s almost like in our society, a man cannot be allowed to be a parent. However, to me the whole episode was really hilarious when I look back.
In my bag of recollections, there is an episode that brings sadness to me. You had been sick for a while and the clinic didn’t really explain what was wrong with you. So when we got to St. George’s clinic on Cairo road then, you seemed quite moody and you were crying. It was quite clear that something was bothering you, but nobody knew what it was. The clinic wanted to get blood samples from you to perform tests.
This is where the problem was. It was difficulty for them to get blood samples as they could not locate any veins on your arm (probably hadn't developed much) so they tried to get from your neck then the groin (where your legs come together or between the leg and private parts). You were screaming louder from the pain while I held you tight to let the medical personnel do their job. Inside, I was really troubled. They finally got their samples but I think that experience was too much for you. To this day, you don’t like the sight of a doctor. You don’t even like seeing a doctor’s white coat on someone. I remember you telling me to take off my white coat when you came to where I had been one morning. You actually left to go and sit alone on the couch with eyes fixated on the TV never saying anything to me or anyone else.
Later when you decided to speak, you only asked me if I was a doctor or not and when I told you I wasn't, you went into quite mode again for another 20 minutes or so. The next thing you said to me was to ask me not to put on a doctor’s coat again. I didn't know how much that ordeal had affected you until then. In hindsight, I believe the clinic should have used some pain killer to alleviate distress during venipuncture in a pediatric patient that you were.
However on another moment that you felt pain, I wasn't there to be with you. I had developed a bad habit of forgetting my phone at home. On that day I had called your mum from the office land phone and asked on how you were doing. I called the second time late in the afternoon and had been told you were okay and just having fun. You should have been about ten months old and growing every day. I never called again and towards the end of the business day at the office a few complications came to light. We had loaded a truck for export and two items that were not on either the import permit, export permit or COMESA certificate of origin had been loaded.
It had been loaded by mistake after the customer had sent in a new order and an invoice generated. However, what had been prepared for loading was different stock items. The only option was to offload the wrong item and redo the invoice to match with what the permits indicated. After resolving all those problems the time was almost 20:30 hrs and the truck driver was given all the documents and asked to leave the following morning.
When I got home the first thing I reached for was my phone that I had left on my bed side. As I got it, I found 22 missed calls, and 17 were from your mother and I wondered what had happened since I spoke to her earlier in the day and informed her I had left my mobile phone at home. I immediately dialed her number and when she did answer she sounded like one who had been in panic and now relieved. She explained that you had cried for long periods so they rushed you to Chilenje clinic where you were diagnosed with a condition that is common in male babies when exposed to the cold. It can also happen if a wet diaper is not changed early enough as the wetness cools the testicles hence they disappear into the scrotum to seek heat. That can be painful, the medical practitioner had explained.
Whatever caused the testicles to disappear inside; it definitely brought pain to you. The time I had made that call was almost fifteen minutes after 21:00 hrs. I was told not to go to the clinic because the situation had normalized and your mother and grandmother were leaving the hospital with you to head back home. I was relived you were now fine but kicked myself at the fact that I wasn't there in your moment of pain.
My son that is life, I may not be there in all your moments of pain or joy but that will not mean I love you any less. I have always hoped that as you grow older you learn this crucial fact that one day I will not be there. I definitely won’t be with you forever and you must use your experiences in life to move on in life. For now, I am here with you and we will celebrate our lives together and nothing deserves a big celebration more than a 5th birthday. At five, you transcend from baby to little boy or little man as I like to say. You will definitely get another letter from me when you turn 13 and another when you turn 21. In between these ages, we will live and enjoy moments and experiences together.
Happy 5th birthday my son, and give me that high 5 buddy! In the words of American singer and actor, Will Smith, I’d like to quote and sing to you. “Just the two of us, we can make it if we try, Just the two of us, (Just the two of us) Just the two of us, building castles in the sky, Just the two of us, you and I."
Happy birthday and High 5 buddy!
from your Daddy with lots of love.
My son was born to change me, to let me grow. Two things have made me grow more than any lessons I ever got my entire life. The two things are; becoming a father and becoming a husband. Today as my son Aongola Joshua turns 5, I write him a letter. He may not read it now but I hope he reads it soon and one day when I am gone he understands that daddy loved him, loves, and will always love him.
 |
| Do that AICHUKUCHA dance, its your birthday! |
Dear Son,
The first time I saw you remains one of the most memorable events in my life. You were just a couple of hours old and looked so tiny. I tried to hold you with utmost care, afraid to break you. But then I was told you were actually the heaviest baby born that day at that point. This made me ease up and I held you warmly. This was a momentous point in my life. You changed me and everything I represented as an individual.
You came into this earth as a
I will teach you how to be a man on your own so that when one day I am no more, you will take those lessons and conquer the world. Conquer the world yes, is what I am preparing you for. You must conquer not for you but for the benefit of the whole of humanity. I will teach you to respect every being, as respect for others will only breed respect, and appreciation towards you.
But this letter is not about all the lessons that await you, it is a celebration of the last 5 years that your presence in my life has brought. I am not one fond of picking up resemblances in people, but the first time I saw you I could tell you looked just like me. You smiled just like me, with thick lips just like me and had a single dimple on the left cheek just like I had in my younger days.
I remember when you were only 7 months old and I picked you up from your grandparents’ house for a weekend and that day I didn’t have private transport and when I got onto the bus everyone stared at me. They probably thought you were a stolen baby. I think in my part of the world it was strange for a man to be moving alone with a 7 months old baby. We enjoyed the weekend together, and nothing comes close to such an experience.
Of course there are plenty other moments I have enjoyed. I remember driving to Chilanga with you alone in the back seat and as we drove on, I could tell you had messed your diaper but I thought I’d change you once we arrived at my sister’s place. But we approached a road block and the lady cop manning the road block after checking inside the car and saw you decided to ask me to park the car by the road side.
The cop immediately asked another cop to man the road block as she came to us and upon reaching she asked quite a lot of questions and when she opened the door she asked me to change your diaper and I obliged. She probably thought I was being negligent, but I thanked her for giving me the earliest opportunity to change your diaper as driving on the Kafue road highway was not going to afford me the chance, until after we arrived at our destination. The cop’s last words were, “take that baby to its mother, or you may be arrested”. It’s almost like in our society, a man cannot be allowed to be a parent. However, to me the whole episode was really hilarious when I look back.
In my bag of recollections, there is an episode that brings sadness to me. You had been sick for a while and the clinic didn’t really explain what was wrong with you. So when we got to St. George’s clinic on Cairo road then, you seemed quite moody and you were crying. It was quite clear that something was bothering you, but nobody knew what it was. The clinic wanted to get blood samples from you to perform tests.
This is where the problem was. It was difficulty for them to get blood samples as they could not locate any veins on your arm (probably hadn't developed much) so they tried to get from your neck then the groin (where your legs come together or between the leg and private parts). You were screaming louder from the pain while I held you tight to let the medical personnel do their job. Inside, I was really troubled. They finally got their samples but I think that experience was too much for you. To this day, you don’t like the sight of a doctor. You don’t even like seeing a doctor’s white coat on someone. I remember you telling me to take off my white coat when you came to where I had been one morning. You actually left to go and sit alone on the couch with eyes fixated on the TV never saying anything to me or anyone else.
Later when you decided to speak, you only asked me if I was a doctor or not and when I told you I wasn't, you went into quite mode again for another 20 minutes or so. The next thing you said to me was to ask me not to put on a doctor’s coat again. I didn't know how much that ordeal had affected you until then. In hindsight, I believe the clinic should have used some pain killer to alleviate distress during venipuncture in a pediatric patient that you were.
However on another moment that you felt pain, I wasn't there to be with you. I had developed a bad habit of forgetting my phone at home. On that day I had called your mum from the office land phone and asked on how you were doing. I called the second time late in the afternoon and had been told you were okay and just having fun. You should have been about ten months old and growing every day. I never called again and towards the end of the business day at the office a few complications came to light. We had loaded a truck for export and two items that were not on either the import permit, export permit or COMESA certificate of origin had been loaded.
It had been loaded by mistake after the customer had sent in a new order and an invoice generated. However, what had been prepared for loading was different stock items. The only option was to offload the wrong item and redo the invoice to match with what the permits indicated. After resolving all those problems the time was almost 20:30 hrs and the truck driver was given all the documents and asked to leave the following morning.
When I got home the first thing I reached for was my phone that I had left on my bed side. As I got it, I found 22 missed calls, and 17 were from your mother and I wondered what had happened since I spoke to her earlier in the day and informed her I had left my mobile phone at home. I immediately dialed her number and when she did answer she sounded like one who had been in panic and now relieved. She explained that you had cried for long periods so they rushed you to Chilenje clinic where you were diagnosed with a condition that is common in male babies when exposed to the cold. It can also happen if a wet diaper is not changed early enough as the wetness cools the testicles hence they disappear into the scrotum to seek heat. That can be painful, the medical practitioner had explained.
Whatever caused the testicles to disappear inside; it definitely brought pain to you. The time I had made that call was almost fifteen minutes after 21:00 hrs. I was told not to go to the clinic because the situation had normalized and your mother and grandmother were leaving the hospital with you to head back home. I was relived you were now fine but kicked myself at the fact that I wasn't there in your moment of pain.
My son that is life, I may not be there in all your moments of pain or joy but that will not mean I love you any less. I have always hoped that as you grow older you learn this crucial fact that one day I will not be there. I definitely won’t be with you forever and you must use your experiences in life to move on in life. For now, I am here with you and we will celebrate our lives together and nothing deserves a big celebration more than a 5th birthday. At five, you transcend from baby to little boy or little man as I like to say. You will definitely get another letter from me when you turn 13 and another when you turn 21. In between these ages, we will live and enjoy moments and experiences together.
Happy 5th birthday my son, and give me that high 5 buddy! In the words of American singer and actor, Will Smith, I’d like to quote and sing to you. “Just the two of us, we can make it if we try, Just the two of us, (Just the two of us) Just the two of us, building castles in the sky, Just the two of us, you and I."
Happy birthday and High 5 buddy!
from your Daddy with lots of love.
"Just The Two
Of Us"
(Now dad this is a
very sensitive subject)
From the first time the doctor placed you in my arms
I knew I'd meet death before I'd let you meet harm
Although questions arose in my mind, would I be man enough?
Against wrong, choose right and be standin up
From the hospital that first night
Took a hour just ta get the carseat in right
People drivin all fast, got me kinda upset
Got you home safe, placed you in your basonette
That night I don't think one wink I slept
As I slipped out my bed, to your crib I crept
Touched your head gently, felt my heart melt
Cause I know I loved you more than life itself
Then to my knees, and I begged the Lord please
Let me be a good daddy, all he needs
Love, knowledge, discipline too
I pledge my life to you
[Chorus:]
Just the two of us, we can make it if we try
Just the two of us, (Just the two of us)
Just the two of us, building castles in the sky
Just the two of us, you and I
Five years old, bringin comedy
Everytime I look at you I think man, a little me
Just like me
Wait an see gonna be tall
Makes me laugh cause you got your dads ears an all
Sometimes I wonder, what you gonna be
A General, a Doctor, maybe a MC
Haha, I wanna kiss you all the time
But I will test that butt when you cut outta line, trudat
Uh-uh-uh why you do dat?
I try to be a tough dad, but you be makin me laugh
Crazy joy, when I see the eyes of my baby boy
I pledge to you, I will always do
Everything I can
Show you how to be a man
Dignity, integrity, honor an
An I don't mind if you lose, long as you came with it
An you can cry, ain't no shame it it
It didn't work out with me an your mom
But yo, push come to shove
You was conceived in love
So if the world attacks, and you slide off track
Remember one fact, I got your back
[Chorus]
It's a full-time job to be a good dad
You got so much more stuff than I had
I gotta study just to keep with the changin times
101 Dalmations on your CD-ROM
See me-I'm
Tryin to pretend I know
On my PC where that CD go
But yo, ain't nuthin promised, one day I'll be gone
Feel the strife, but trust life does go wrong
But just in case
It's my place
To impart
One day some girl's gonna break your heart
And ooh ain't no pain like from the opposite sex
Gonna hurt bad, but don't take it out on the next, son
Throughout life people will make you mad
Disrespect you and treat you bad
Let God deal with the things they do
Cause hate in your heart will consume you too
Always tell the truth, say your prayers
Hold doors, pull out chairs, easy on the swears
You're living proof that dreams do come true
I love you and I'm here for you
[Chorus to fade]
(This is a good song dad, how much am I gettin paid for this?)
From the first time the doctor placed you in my arms
I knew I'd meet death before I'd let you meet harm
Although questions arose in my mind, would I be man enough?
Against wrong, choose right and be standin up
From the hospital that first night
Took a hour just ta get the carseat in right
People drivin all fast, got me kinda upset
Got you home safe, placed you in your basonette
That night I don't think one wink I slept
As I slipped out my bed, to your crib I crept
Touched your head gently, felt my heart melt
Cause I know I loved you more than life itself
Then to my knees, and I begged the Lord please
Let me be a good daddy, all he needs
Love, knowledge, discipline too
I pledge my life to you
[Chorus:]
Just the two of us, we can make it if we try
Just the two of us, (Just the two of us)
Just the two of us, building castles in the sky
Just the two of us, you and I
Five years old, bringin comedy
Everytime I look at you I think man, a little me
Just like me
Wait an see gonna be tall
Makes me laugh cause you got your dads ears an all
Sometimes I wonder, what you gonna be
A General, a Doctor, maybe a MC
Haha, I wanna kiss you all the time
But I will test that butt when you cut outta line, trudat
Uh-uh-uh why you do dat?
I try to be a tough dad, but you be makin me laugh
Crazy joy, when I see the eyes of my baby boy
I pledge to you, I will always do
Everything I can
Show you how to be a man
Dignity, integrity, honor an
An I don't mind if you lose, long as you came with it
An you can cry, ain't no shame it it
It didn't work out with me an your mom
But yo, push come to shove
You was conceived in love
So if the world attacks, and you slide off track
Remember one fact, I got your back
[Chorus]
It's a full-time job to be a good dad
You got so much more stuff than I had
I gotta study just to keep with the changin times
101 Dalmations on your CD-ROM
See me-I'm
Tryin to pretend I know
On my PC where that CD go
But yo, ain't nuthin promised, one day I'll be gone
Feel the strife, but trust life does go wrong
But just in case
It's my place
To impart
One day some girl's gonna break your heart
And ooh ain't no pain like from the opposite sex
Gonna hurt bad, but don't take it out on the next, son
Throughout life people will make you mad
Disrespect you and treat you bad
Let God deal with the things they do
Cause hate in your heart will consume you too
Always tell the truth, say your prayers
Hold doors, pull out chairs, easy on the swears
You're living proof that dreams do come true
I love you and I'm here for you
[Chorus to fade]
(This is a good song dad, how much am I gettin paid for this?)
Wow... brings a tear or two to my eyes. I pray Joshua reads this one day. He will know that he has a special father.
ReplyDeleteHappy belated birthday.