The photographer in me

The weather forecast presented by Jacob Nkomoki on TV the previous evening suggested that the minimum temperature would be 24°C and the maximum would be 32°C. As I waded on the sandy soil past Tungi primary school on the way to Lourdes Catholic church, I kept telling myself that the weather was probably way above the forecasted maximum.

It was warm and I was perspiring a little as I kept hurriedly walking to my destination. I had almost resigned myself to the fact that the actual weather was probably now 38°C. As a matter of fact, I was just glad it wasn’t windy for an August afternoon.

Having reached Lourdes as I queued at the entrance, I could hear the music of Shaggy coming from inside the hall. In no time, there were sounds of cheering voices that almost decimated the music. Almost immediately, I knew the opening act had started. Luckily it was my turn at the front of the queue. I paid for my ticket after which a heavily built gentleman date stamped my wrist with blue ink and I set off for the inside of the hall. As I passed sweat drenched bodies at the back of the hall, I increased on the grip given to the cameras that hang on my right shoulder. I cared less for the two rolls of Kodak film, as it was safe in my baggy jeans pockets.

The more I walked towards the front of the hall, the more the music got louder.

"Mr. Boombastic
What you want is some boombastic romantic
Fantastic lover, Shaggy
Mr. Lover Lover, Mmm, Mr. Lover lover, Sha
Mr. Lover lover, Mmm, Mr. Lover lover


She call me Mr. Boombastic
Say me fantastic touch me on the back
She says I'm Mr. Ro
Mantic, say me fantastic
Touch me on the back, she says I'm Mr. Ro"

Eventually I got my way to the front row and immediately positioned myself with my photographic paraphernalia in place; and it was ‘all systems go’. 

By the time the Variety show came to a close at 6pm, I had exhausted all the rolls of film. It was a job well done. My only problem was that I didn’t collect enough deposit payments for all the shots I snapped. Experience had taught me that, it was easier for people to complete payment when they had shown commitment by paying half before they saw the actual photograph.

I had developed the habit of frequenting Variety Shows which were mostly singing and dancing competions, as a photographer and truthfully these shows were lucrative for me. I had been doing photography for a while and it wasn't entirely an easy ride as i had to move from one place to the other as well as convince people to pose for pictures at a fee. But variety shows, provided many clients in one location and they quickly became my cash cow and I loved them for that.

There I was, a 13 year old in his 8^th grade ‘hustling’ with a camera. My brother in law had bought the camera to grow my hobby for photography, but there I was – gone commercial. Not that it was entirely a bad idea, but commercial photography where you hustle for customers came with its own disadvantages. There were people that would refuse to pay for a picture even when they themselves repeatedly asked you to photograph them. Others just became bad debtors all the time.

Nevertheless, it was not an entirely gloomy venture. It came with its own ups and really great moments. At times it gave me exposure to things I’d never ordinarily be exposed to at 13. For instance, I’d never in a million years be allowed to attend a function of that nature while coming from Mr Me’s (my brother in law as he often referred to himself) home. Variety Shows then didn’t get a lot of good publicity. I’d honestly say V-shows as they were fondly called, got a lot of bad press. Teenagers drunk --Teenagers dancing inappropriately --Teenagers trashing halls -- Teenagers sneaking off to the bathroom to smoke or have sex. But the truth is that the shows were never really about all those unsavory elements. This was just teens showing off dancing skills, rapping skills, singing skills and having fun doing karaoke.

Whatever perceptions of the V-show existed back then, I was just happy to be around my peers and also enjoying capturing the event with my camera. The camera was my passport to gain entry to the event. I also knew that not long after that day, we would be deep into the rain season and the Barotse plain would be flooded. That meant the huge post boat would restart the seasonal boat cruises. Yet again, the camera would be the reason I attend the cruises.

The next year I’d improve my skill in photography, and it would prove to be a worthwhile hobby. In fact, some of my most interesting experiences in life have been ‘behind the lense’. I have never been one to be photogenic so being the photographer has always served me well. I learned to not only be able to capture the subject in the shot but also the role played by the background to make a good picture. Basics of photography like exposure, shutter release and photographer’s shadow in a picture became my everyday vocabulary. Then again, this was all before the digital camera.

Fast forward more than 16 years later, I was attending a wedding ceremony when a photographer walks in my direction and …snap… flash… snap… then he turns his digital camera and zooms a frame of my face on his camera screen. Never mind what my first reaction to the photographer, or must I call him ‘camera man’ was. Most importantly is that I politely told him that I didn’t want to be photographed, I had my own digital camera and that at an appropriate moment, I’d take the shots I wanted. 5 minutes later as I walk out of the hall to answer my ringing mobile phone, I see more than 6 pictures with my face sprawled on the floor. There were several other pictures of other people. “What time was this picture taken?” I asked the gentleman who was now asking me to pay for the picture.

This is now an all too familiar scenario each time you attend a function such as wedding, graduation, product launch etc. Personally I find this irritating. The photographer in me still prefers to be behind a camera lense than in front. It is more irritating if I am going to be photographed without my consent and later asked to pay. I’ll not be lying if I said the photographers are the most annoying aspect of most functions. However, I am even more irritated by the audience photographers.

The audience photographer is the invited guest or gate crasher that owns a smart phone, ‘chinese phone’, digital camera, Ipad and any other forms of tablets and gadget with a camera. At one wedding ceremony, as the master of ceremony was asking the new couple to feed each other with a piece of cake and there after share a kiss, it seemed as if a quarter of the guests had stood up to either take pictures or shoot a video from their various gadgets. While so many people anointed themselves as photographers or cameramen, the rest of us sat helplessly not able to see anything but the back of the many gadget slinging guests. When half of guests are converted to photographers, all the remaining half can do is pray to God to grant them a neck as long as a giraffe or an ostrich so they can be able to keep up with the proceedings. While I may have used a camera with a focusing lense and one that uses photographic film, technology available today has enabled every John and Mary take pictures and shoots amateur videos.

Making beautiful photographs and being a great photographer involves nothing more than a bit of thought. While it often helps to have decent equipment, all you really need is to take a moment before each shot to think clearly about what you are attempting to capture or create. At public and private events a bit of photographic etiquette is also needed.

One more irritating aspect of these functions is the role played by the Master of ceremony (MC). Did I miss something? Who passed the golden directive that all MC’s must be comedians? No way. Some of the jokes they say are so dirty and not fit for some particular functions.

I reached the climax of irritation with MC’s late last year when I bought a Bob Nkosha DORIKA DVD. I watched the DVD the entire week and at the weekend when I attended a wedding I realized that one of the supporting acts in the DORIKA DVD was the chosen MC at the wedding. To my irritation, the man just repeated the same jokes on the DORIKA DVD. Is it the only material they have?

That wasn’t annoying enough. Two weeks later when I was at a different wedding, another of the supporting acts in the DORIKA DVD was the MC. Dejavu. The same jokes on the DVD all over. The most annoying part of that evening was not to be the jokes however but the woman that sat on my table. She laughed her lungs out as the MC churned out one joke after another. Each interval after a break from the wedding proceedings when the MC came with more jokes, it almost seemed like she laughed even louder. Then the MC decided to introduce his wife who was seated in the audience… guess who… the woman at my table. Really! Laughing that loud! Had she never heard those jokes before?