That's just me.

A brief introspection of ‘me’ reveals that a few years ago I was able to define myself in many different ways using different gobbledygook (to borrow from George Mpombo’s words). Today, all I say is that I am just me, and unless I am attending a job interview or in a meeting delivering a business pitch, I really don't know how to define myself. That's just me.

All I know is that I am a unique individual. I love life. I love my wife. I love my son. I love the rest of my family. I love my friends. I love to write.  I love good music. I love sports.  I love to read.  I love to be random.  I love to love.  I love me. That's just me.

I’m no better than any other human, neither am I any lesser human.  I’m not one to think I’m high and mighty.  I’m just…myself. I’m a creation of what is in my mind.  I seek to find and understand myself everyday but never finding me. That's just me.

I certainly have people that understand me even when I myself still seek to find myself. I do have people with whom I connect with, with whom I can have a great conversation with and so on. But I still have many, with whom I struggle to develop bonds with. That's just me.

That's just me. Purposely or not, I have my comfort zones and people I have in close proximity (or is it within my circle) as I keep finding myself. To many people though, I am hard to understand, extremely hard to define, perhaps hard to hate, hard to love; and extremely hard to please. That's just me.

One thing I'd say is that over the years, I've chosen my friends and confidants carefully. Looking back, it could have been a conscious decision I made. I needed to find happiness from within myself and no where else. In a world where friends can stab you in the back or use your back to climb the many life's ladders, to get to whatever heights they want to get to, it's wise to sieve friends. That' just me.

I have learned that learning is an everyday process until the very last breath of life. Yes until the very last breath of life. Even on the death bed, there are valuable lessons one can pick up. So then if learning is an everyday thing, how can I find myself? Well that's just me questioning myself. That's just me.

I’m a strange person definitely.  Funny enough, I like to be different and that I am.  I like to make my own opinions of things. I like having my own personal view point and digesting everything from my own perspective. Don't get me wrong, I learn a lot from other people, but a big part of my everyday existence still remains finding myself. That's just me. 

Finding myself has been a big part of my life's journey. I guess it stems from the fact that I am a last born child and I grew up trying to be like all of my older siblings but each had some unattractive behavioral traits I saw in them hence I kept looking. In the end it became a big battle choosing who to be like. But, do I really need to be like anybody else? How can I find me? I will keep looking for me. That's just me.

Many a time within myself, has been a raging debate in my mind. The answer I have always arrived at has been to find myself, and not find in me, a part of my siblings or any other person for that matter. I have ultimately always found time to myself to think and enjoy moments of 'me' time.  That is just me.

In good times and in the worst times…I find some 'me' time.  However, in trying to find my space as a father and a husband, my 'me' time has become ever so limited. My time is for other people, and the 'me' time is a waste of time. Time for some changes within myself I guess. Well, that's just me.

I remain a rather unique individual.  An extremely loving, tolerant individual. The other side of me is different. I am an individual who cares not what people think about what I do. But how is that possible not to care when I am not an island? I am a believer in individuality and what a group of individuals can achieve as a united team. I am my own individual.  And I love it.  I love me.  That's just me.

So my path to finding myself continues. I'll keep learning, introspecting and keep walking. I need to keep understanding myself more, find myself, the self I keep departing from many times. That's just me.

Still looking for me