A father’s cry!

On the outskirts of the city, a father looks at the calendar and he sees the circled mark on the date which he had put at the beginning of the year. He had been doing this every year. It had become an annual ritual for him, at least for the last 8 years. Every year on New Year’s Day he hang a new calendar on the corridor wall and immediately circled a specific date – 8^th June, the day his only son was born. Then immediately he underlined another date – 15th January, the date he last saw his son almost 8 years before.

As he stood in the corridor looking at the calendar on that bright sunny but chilly 8th June Monday morning, he knew his son was turning 10 on that day. He was pondering on a birthday present most suited for a 10 year old. He then walked to the decorated boys’ bedroom full of toys but never inhabited. He turned his eyes to the side where he had been piling birthday presents every year. First and second year were missing, but three to nine were all there and properly labeled. A bicycle for the fourth year was also missing as it was put at the side beside the entrance where the door hinges bent inwards as the bedroom door opened. There was also a bigger bicycle there which he had bought for himself but was rarely used. He had hoped to cycle alongside his son one day and maybe every day.

The last time he saw his son was 8 and half years ago on a date he vividly remembers -15^th January. The infant was just about 18 months old. The date actually came precisely 6 months after he broke up with it's mother. They had never married but after she conceived it had seemed they would as the pregnancy almost healed all the problems they had in their relationship.

They had met 11 years before that day, and unerringly a year before she conceived. They had enjoyed a very steamy relationship at the beginning. It was a match made in heaven. They were a couple very much in love and forever glued to each other. They never walked an inch away from each other but always seemed to be too attached as they walked hand in hand. But, beyond all the evident affection and physical intimacy lay deep-rooted differences that started to show.

While she enjoyed the time they spent together, they spent too much time at his flat and she started to feel that she wanted more fun. She tried to communicate this to him but he just wouldn’t budge. He made it clear to her that he was an ‘indoors person’ and that it was more romantic to spend time together the two of them intimately as usually happened. “Why go out clubbing?” He would ask. “I don’t like crowds,” he would say. “Besides two is company and three is a crowd.” he would continue, with a tinge of humour.

But she wanted to have more fun. All her friends told stories of the fun they had had at the disco every other weekend. She could only listen in awe as her weekends meant she would be at his flat sitting on his laps dressed at the most in underwear only. The alternatives would be; dressed in nothing and sleeping beside him on his bed or the two of them lay naked in bed his body matching hers, curve into curve, contour on contour each giving as much joy as they were receiving, harmonized upward and downward thrusts variegated by sideways gentle orbit movements as they made love.

One Friday evening, she informed him that she would not be at his flat on Saturday as she would be accompanying her friends for an outing at a popular night spot but that she would go to his flat early in the morning on Sunday. On Sunday morning he was waiting for her but by 11 hours she still hadn’t shown up. Her mobile phone was unreachable. Every twenty minutes he tried calling her line but it was still not reachable. Finally at about 1:30pm he got an auto prompt message on his phone stating that the mobile subscriber he had dialed had now been available. 

He had dialed the number immediately and the phone was answered by an unfamiliar voice then after prodding on who had called the stranger on the other end of the phone had handed it to its owner.  An audibly stupefied voice was heard on the other side of the phone explaining that she had spent the night at her friend’s house and that when she woke up she hadn’t felt too well so she decided to sleep further. She told him that she would take a shower there after eat something before going to his flat.

When she eventually knocked at the door of his flat the time was 5 minutes past 4pm. He had promptly opened the door and immediately realized that her face still looked dazed. He had instantly joked that this was ‘one hell of hang over’ which had lasted almost the whole day. As she settled inside the house she had told him that she suspected this was more than just a hangover. She narrated to him how she had vomited earlier that morning. He had tried to make jokes about her night out drinking and that she had barfed in the morning. Then she dropped the bomb. She suspected she was pregnant. It had been two days since she had been waiting for her menstruation but nothing had happened.

Two days later on a Tuesday evening she had come to his flat and they had confirmed their fears from a pregnancy test which had showed a positive pregnancy result. They had decided to go to the medical clinic the following morning to have a medical person do the test and when that was done it was another positive result. By the time the weekend came again she had accompanied her friends for partying once more though she had promised him that she would just drink mineral water and no alcohol.

In the months that followed, her new found fad for partying continued until a time when her bulging paunch was really big. She had stopped clubbing for a while prior to giving birth but immediately resumed within a month of giving birth. She would leave the infant with her mother and be about town with her friends every Friday and Saturday night. Usually he would find time to spend with his son on Sunday when she would come to his flat with the infant. Most of the time however, she would be nursing a hangover so he would have ample time to catch up and bond with his baby boy.

A year and a few months later, the routine had continued, but he was now growing tired of her partying habits. At times she would tell him that she would be going clubbing, of which he would not be given an opportunity to approve or disapprove of that. He would be told that he was just being informed, in case he needed to know where she would be. Most of the time however, she would just be unreachable on her mobile and he would conclude she was ‘out and about’.

It did not take time before they broke up. She had asked him to go to her parents’ house whenever he wanted to see his son and especially to take money for child maintenance. He was warned never to miss a single month of the amount they had agreed upon regardless of any circumstances. By the time the baby was turning two years the father had missed two months of the monthly infant upkeep in the preceding 6 months. He had explained that he had moved from the smaller 1 bed roomed flat to a bigger 3 bedroomed house on the outskirts of the city and his new landlord had asked him to pay 6months rentals in advance and that had taken a toll on him financially. Still, he did not see any peace.

So there he was that Monday morning of 8^th June, starring at the calendar then at the birthday presents for his son which he had accumulated the past 7 years. He decided that before going to buy his 10^th present, he would write something in his diary. He would write the words that would serve as a reminder for the next 12 months that he had to fight for the right to be with his son. He opened a page in the diary and immediately wrote a heading with the words; ‘A father’s cry’.

In his mind, he was sure the words he was penning down would encourage him to take on the legal system and fight for his son. He believed he had the right motivation-and the ‘balls’ to do it.

He wrote;

Immanuel Kant said; “Space and time are the framework within which the mind is constrained to construct its experience of reality.”

I have tried to understand the concept of time and space but never really got anything from it. Does it mean the more time that passes and the more distance (space), then our realities are bound to change to conform to the existing realities of the vicinity? How come I have never really forgotten about the son I was forced to give up because of the flawed child care laws?

For one reason or the other, child custody is so flawed that instead of protecting the welfare and rights of children, it just plays to the advantage of desperate women. And grandparents I must add. Why is it that a child below 7 years cannot live with his father? Why don’t laws look at the facts of both parents with equal measure and decide on the available facts and not just because one is a woman then they are more likely to take care of a child better.

There is no law actually that exists with a ‘7 years’ clause for children whose parents are either separated or just never married, barring the father from custody. However, magistrates have been predominantly giving custody to mothers based on the ‘7 years’ argument. Maybe most magistrates just follow precedence and now would be the time to challenge some of these decisions. I know it takes only one man to rise up, stand, and be counted. This man shall be I. For the sake of my son, and other sons out there who hanker for the presence of their fathers in their lives.

I see a lot of women incapable of taking care of a child but still given custody just because they are women. Some women are just rubbish drunks who bring a different man home every month or even every Friday in the presence of their child. Some of these women, the only thing of any importance to them is stiletto heels which they will go to great length to own a pair. If the separated parents are on good terms it is easier for the child to have access to both parents. However, the biggest problem once a relationship breaks is to maintain civility with an ex one shares a child with. Most desperate women want to use the child as leverage to get to the man and hurt them. This is the main reason they will go to large extents to have custody of children. Yet, these kinds of women just ship the children to their parents.

If I made the law, grandparents from either side would not even have the slightest say in the welfare of a child while the parents are still alive. They would just be - grandparents.

I believe this law was made for the good of the child hence it should and must work for the best outcome for the child. Today marks the day I probe further into this law. I want to fully understand this particular law so that the best outcome for my child eventually prevails. I know the court would at the very least grant me visitations and not as those people have made things to be. It has been a long time. Now is the time I fight for my child.

I know that in the judicial system, men get fucked in regards to their children.  I have experienced it first hand and have learned my lessons.